Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The giving of the sympathy

One of my (oh so many) (NOT!) faults is that I am horrible at communicating. But it really depends on what type of communication.

For example, if I hear bullshit, I generally call it out. Like, when I sense that someone is being intellectually lazy and not thinking about an idea logically, I'll tell them straight out. I don't think many people like this about me. I could probably use a bit more tact when it comes to correcting people's thinking process or telling them that what is spewing out of their mouth is load of frog's turd (not in those words). I'm not saying I'm always right, just that I have this instinctive reaction to tell it like I see it. And sometimes in a not so nice way. However, this is not one of my faults. I think more people should be like this so stop being so damn polite everyone!

But when it comes to communicating on an emotional level, I am truly horrible. I can be depressed for days/weeks/a month on end and none of my friends will know. I have a lot of trouble expending the energy to explain to people what is bothering me, let alone myself. And the thing is, I don't dread sympathy. I have friends, where, the last thing that they want is sympathy. They are terrified of a pity party. I don't really understand what the big deal is. Sympathy rocks. It shows that your friends actually care (or at least pretend to). (However, I am not a fan of lame sympathetic words like 'awwwww that totally suuckkkkkks' because that shit does not help in any way. How NOT to show sympathy is fodder for a whole other post altogether). But good sympathy, like tough love, and fresh perspective, and wise words from someone who has been in your shoes and 'chin up girl there's other fish in the sea' even if you have heard it from your mom a dozen times before, could help. It gives you that ounce of hope in the back of your mind that just needed to be reaffirmed.

Another thing with sympathy is that you could tell straight away when the sympathy-giver is not being genuine and is just trying to stay stuff that they think you want to hear. These sympathy givers probably do care for you, they are just really bad at making you feel better because they are afraid of insulting you. For all of the sympathy givers out there, please do not do this. It's highly annoying and chances are, it's really not what the sympathy receiver wants to hear. I realized that one of big reasons I hated telling people when I was emotionally unstable is because hated hearing this lame kind of sympathy. So I've decided to come out and tell everyone that lame sympathy sucks even though you may really mean it but please just don't even try it. If anything, just tell the person that they are being stupid for feeling bad and they should be grateful for the things they have. That's way better than lame OR fake sympathy.